Enders game

I forget sometimes.

I forget why I deal with the crap I deal with.

All the money spent.

The time lost.

The aggravation ,

Frustration ,

Stress,

And sleepless nights.

I look at this whole "college situation" as inconvenient . I'm spending all this money (my parents and myself), working this hard, getting this stressed to earn a piece of paper that doesn't promise me anything.

It doesn't promise me a future.

Doesn't promise me a job.

It doesn't promise me even one thing. all it is, is proof that for four years , four long hard years I worked my ass off to be able to say that I specialize in something.

It's a lot, sometimes.

I go through mental breakdowns where I question what is or is not worth it. I try to decide if what I'm doing is what I want - or if it's my proof that I'm not a screw up. That I can succeed .

There is always that moment, though.

That moment where you remember why it is you are breaking your neck, bank, and sleeping habits. You remember what you're paying for, what you're stressing for, what you're fighting for and you remember that ,at the endof the day,

It IS worth it.

For those of you who didn't know, I want to be a film maker. It is my goal to specialize in special effects and computer animation- and today, for the first time in a long time, I saw a movie that reminded me.

Reminded me of why I want to do film.

Why I wanted to fight hard.

Stress tons.

Sleep little.

Why I did te things I did, paid the thousands I had to pay and why I don't regret ANY of it.

Film is my passion. It is my heart-

More then anything I want to recreate ideas, take people to other worlds, change perception , create new species. ... Imagination is the key to all creation.

And I, TJ want to create.

Keeping your eye on your passion keeps your drive in check. Keeps your goals in check. 

Keeping an eye on your passion is the key to absolute success.

If you drive hard, the only person that can stop you is yourself.

I intend to drive .

#habits

I'm the queen of bad habits:

Not even the normal ones ( though I have plenty of those as well) - I bite my nails, crack my knuckles...

But past those two obvious ones, I have habits on habits on habits that don't even make sense, really.

1. I pick up and mimic accents.

This doesn't sound that bad, but it's a problem because it is unintentional and random. I could be talking to a customer at work and then suddenly I'm mimicking their accent in a way that almost comes off offensive. I'm a jerk, real talk. 

2. I cuss for days.

I cuss enough to give even the worst construction worker, the worst sailor a run for his money. I use words where they don't even make sense, and I say them angrily even when a sentence is happy! It has gotten so bad that I swear I am itchy when I don't have the chance to cuss. Like, I have rashes. It's uncontrollable! And not all that ideal. How does one explain a cuss rash. "Oh don't worry about it- let me just scream offensive words at someone and it too shall pass"

3. I'm such an ass hole.

I can't help it. Sarcasm is one thing, but I literally can't control my tounge when it come to the stupidity of others. And it is interesting, because I'm super caring and loving as an individual until someone says something that gets me going- and it will get me going or DAYS. 

For instance at the gym.

"Omg, TJ is that you"

No. It's someone else.

"You look great!!!"

Well... In covered in sweat, my makeup is halfway  down  my face and I smell like that of a wild pig- I'm pretty much ready for prom.

"It's crazy to run into you"

There is only one gym in town and we see eachother here every other week, so you're right. Totally unlikely.

"What are you doing here anyways!?"

You know. Hunting elephants.

4. I only want what I can't have.

Relationships, man.

Relationships for days- I feel like a guy because I really want to be with someone until he wants me back. Once he wants me back, feelings change, hearts are broken, and I walk out of everything fine .

This is not somethig I'm proud of, don't get me wrong. I feel bad, and if I could change it I would . But it's just me- half of what attracts me to someone is the chase . Without that, I've lost interest.

5. I make faces .

Like. All the time.

My faces are ridiculous - you know how when your friends decide they want to take a picture and you KNOW you don't look good and therefore don't want to smile in a way that indicates that you were mislead Into believing that your looks alone would find you love one day, so you make that awkward face in order to justify your lack of general hygiene? Yea. Me- all the time. I just make weird faces.

When I study. When I sleep. When I'm filling up my soda at work. I can't even help it.

6. I, TJ, am a fast foodaholic . 

I'm addicted! No shame. (Some shame.) I eat out every meal, every day, every time. I don't know what it is mentally or if I'm just a food lover at heart- but it's a miracle I can walk. None the less that I'm a normal size for my age.

Good genes man. Thank The Lord.

Like I said, I'm a freak. I do weird things, I have weird habits and I ain't even trippin. The weird things I do, the habits I can't break make me who I am. What habits that you have define you? 

I'm proud of the ridiculous person I am.

But I'm about to go get panda right now. Love you all, TJ. 

#bestsport

As a general rule, people respond to the fact that I play rugby in one of two ways.

1) They exclaim "you're such a badass". Or go with

2) "what's rugby?"